The Sensitive Brain

Hey, Dragonflies! 

So I'm on a bit of a typing high - I just wrote a whole essay in a day and don't want to stop the writing process. Being a student is weird, I swear. One day you can't find motivation even if someone offers you a million dollars, the next it's like work is your favourite thing to do because it just feels so productive! 

In any case, I posted a poll on my Instagram this morning about whether or not people would like to see me write a post about mental health. I had a lot of voters and 100% approval, so let's get to it shall we? 

This is cheesy but I had it in stock from a book I read so yeah!

So why talk about mental health? 

Because it affects everyone. Not just those of us who went to see a professional to figure out why we feel different, or those who have more serious issues. If you don't have a mental thing, it's likely that you know someone who does. If you do, you (hopefully) told your family, a trusted friend, or anyone who can sit and listen when needed. (I strongly suggest you do so if you haven't, it truly helps!). 

Many people see mental health as a big, scary topic. I hope that one day it becomes more approachable, and that more people will know how to help each other in this case. 

What do you think about mental health in literature?

If it's done right, I love it.  A recent favourite has been The Shock of the Fall, by Nathan Filer, about schizophrenia. However, one of my least favourite books of 2018 was Finding Audrey, about (mostly) social anxiety. 

I always think that authors are brave to take it as a subject, and always appreciate it. But I do understand why it receives a lot of dislike, especially from people who hoped to see themselves within the book, especially when it's romanticised. 

OK, sure, but why would you talk about it specifically?

Uhm, because it affects me too? I know that I am way too sensitive - I'm not talking about being someone who can 'sense the universe' or who 'finds things so beautiful she starts crying' - forums about highly sensitive people drive me crazy with people who say that it's a blessing to feel the souls of those around you. I swear some people on them get it, others seem to disregard people's discomforts just to tell the that 'sensitivity is a blessing, other people don't get the chance to see the world as we do!'

I'm sorry to those who think that, but HS sucks. 

On a bad day, sounds will be too loud, and colors too bright. Light will give me headaches, and then the overthinking starts. It can be about anything - am I making the right choices at uni, am I in over my head... those sorts of questions. It usually makes my day grey and tiring. Yesterday was a a bad day for this. 

However, today is an awesome one! Since it started becoming a problem, it's kind of fluctuated day to day, to the point where I'm not super sure what controls it anymore, aside from the fact that a trigger can make it go from 'meh' to bad just as easily as it can go from 'fine' to absolutely incredible! 

I also feel strong emotions stronger than I would like on such days. It has happened where a minor inconvenience sent me into rage, or a super good day gave me so many good vibes that I was so happy that I couldn't sleep. (It's weird I know!) Saying bye to people always takes me a moment more than it should and some books and movies hit my soul like a ton of bricks. As one of my friends helped me phrase it a few days ago, I tend to see things like exams and socialising as a hurdle, when it's just something normal to do. 

Most of the time I'm fine and I don't feel crazy. There's just some days where my sensitive brain gets the better of me. Thankfully they don't often build up, they're quite separate :)

Oh that doesn't sound fun... 

It's not, but it's doable. I'm not here to complain, I'm here to lay out the facts and feels. I sometimes get comments like 'maybe you're overreacting' and 'you need to take the time to relax'. And lately that has struck me as something I need to work on. (Yes, I know you guys have been saying it for months, but these months have been hella busy with school!) So, I decided to work on it. 

Thus, I made myself a plan. I'm calling it Operation Chill. It's a 7-'step' plan, which I won't totally elaborate on here, but I can show you a bit of it. 

1. Stop procrastinating priorities, just get things done

5. Breaks are good when they're well-taken

6. Emotions will fluctuate, don't try to stop them, but just breathe

Do you think that will help?

I don't know! Hopefully it will! I wrote it all down and have it up on my wall as a reminder. Just a list of 7 little things I can work on to make my daily life easier and less over-think-y! 

So what's the point of all of this? 

I'm no expert on how to deal with brain stuff. But just formulating a plan for how to appreciate things has helped me feel like all of this mess that's been bothering me for a year or so can be resolved. I was hoping that this little text might help people see that they're not alone in this mess of mind. I believe that there are ways for people to feel better even if it's just writing a list. 

Mental health spans many levels, types and degrees. It should always be taken seriously. 

I wanted to write this out because a, I wanted to write a blogpost and b, writing this stuff out helps me clear out my thoughts. They've been good today, but I've found that typing it out makes it clear longer! Does that make sense? 

Anyway, the comments or my email is a perfectly safe place if you want to talk - this is also the case for my instagram messages. I will always listen and do my best to help <3 

Stay bookish!